


Christmas at the Barns

by TreesInYourEyes



Category: Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bluesey - Freeform, Christmas, Christmas Eve, F/M, Family, Gangsey, Home, Love Confessions, M/M, Matthew's birthday, The Barns, pynch - Freeform, the lynch brothers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreesInYourEyes/pseuds/TreesInYourEyes
Summary: It's Ronan's first Christmas back in his family home. And Adam's first Christmas away from his parents. His first Christmas knowing magic...and love.Takes place after The Raven King
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 20
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

Christmas was a strange time of year. Trees would be chopped down to be placed in living rooms, decorated in gold tinsel and paper stars while their dismembered brothers were burning in the chimney. People would shower each other with gifts to celebrate the birthday of a man no one had ever met and who had been dead for almost 2000 years. Nonchurchgoers would suddenly join the churchgoers, leaning on their faith for just a few nights. Children would be told stories about a stranger, who would enter their houses at midnight and grant them any wish as long as they hadn’t been naughty.

For some people, it was the highlight of the year. For some people, it was just a dinner with the family they had to cross off their to-do list. For some people, it was about God, for some people it was about love, and for some people it was about finally getting that new iPhone.

Nonetheless, many people would argue that there was something magical about Christmas. The air would smell different, a little sweeter maybe, a little warmer. Like candy canes and cinnamon, like wrapping paper and written down wishes. The nights wouldn’t be pitch-black anymore but instead be filled with blinking lights and the echo of children singing behind closed doors would hum through the streets below.

For a few days, people would break out of their routines, wrap some fairy lights around their houses and call it magic.

The Lynch family wasn’t that different at the first glance. Niall Lynch, father of three, husband of the loveliest woman one could imagine, would finally come home from his long travels. He would bring gifts for his children and wife, their hearts’ desires like he was Santa himself. The family would go to mass and sing “Amazing Grace” as everyone else did, they would dance and laugh and be the picture of the perfect family.

Only, that their Christmas tree wouldn’t die once New Year’s arrived. It wouldn’t be thrown next to the trash can behind the house but instead, sink into a polite curtsey before seeing itself out. Their candles that graced every window wouldn’t burn down once the night was over, they would burn as long as you wished and if you asked them nicely they would softly hum your favorite melodies. The Lynch brothers wouldn’t have to stick their noses to the window panes and wait for it to snow, they would always have as much as they could dream of. And they would never have to settle for a gift that was available at the nearest mall, they could get anything as long as their father’s head could hold it. There were no limits, but their imagination. Small feathered dragons, singing toy cars, moving picture books... 

One could say the Lynches Christmas was a little closer to magic than everyone else’s.

However, things would change. Revealed secrets and tragedy would shrivel the Lynch family down to three. The three brothers. And when Christmas came around eventually, each of them would go their separate way as they left St Agnes; to go to work, to get drunk, to dream of old times. Another year passed by and some things would change again, some for the better, some for the worse. The sleeping beauty became a dying one, the middle son became his father,

the family home became Ronan Lynch’s empire. Christmas peeked around the corner again and this time the two younger brothers would drive home together after mass, the oldest promising to stop by on Christmas morning. A tricolored Hondayota would soon join the shark-nosed BMW on the driveway and a goat-legged child would stumble through the snow that covered every roof and tree as far as one could see. The Barns looked once again like a winter wonderland, peacefully sleeping between the Virginia mountains, a white stain in an otherwise grey world.

Things were different than they used to be, but the air was crackling with magic again and laughter and love would soon fill the once empty hallways.

“I don’t think it’s going anywhere”, Ronan Lynch and his younger brother, Matthew Lynch, stared at the big old pine tree that cowered next to the long barn. It was perfectly shaped like it had jumped directly out off a Christmas commercial, an impeccably fluffy layer of snow covering its branches like a blanket to protect it from the cold.

“Maybe you need to poke him a little. Here, try this stick.” Matthew picked a dead branch from the ground and offered it to his brother, who skeptically raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not going to poke a tree. And anyway, I think it’s asleep. It was probably alive.”

“Ughhh, this suuucks.” Matthew hurled the stick at the barn door and sat down into the snow which quickly turned into him making a snow angel.

“I could just dream a new tree, you know,” Ronan said and sat down next to Matthew, who was now giggling and shoveling snow into his mouth. Ronan couldn’t blame him, it tasted like candy floss. It had taken him three nights and a lot of tasting sessions with Opal to get it right.

“Nah,” Matthew said after swallowing the snow candy. “I don’t want a new one. Ernie is part of the family tradition. It has to be _him!_ ”

“ _Ernie?_ ”

“That’s his name, you dummy.”

“How could I forget.” Ronan grinned at his brother, then he grabbed a handful of snow and threw it directly into Matthew’s face. Matthew just laughed and then started eating it.

“You gonna spend your birthday puking if you keep going like that.” Ronan laid down next to Matthew, the snow crunching beneath him, and ruffled his brother’s hair. Everyone treated Matthew like he was 12 and he wanted them to, but the truth was that he would turn 17 on Christmas morning.

“I thought you said you made it belly ache-proof,” Matthew muffled, before shoveling even more snow into his mouth.

“I never said that.”

“You should have though. You could make _billions_ with it! Oh and maybe you could add some color next time? That would be super dope!”

Ronan laughed and Matthew joined him, laughing so hard that something in Ronan’s chest hurt. There was something so sincerely happy about Matthew’s laugh, something that could never be dimmed by any pain or sadness. There was so much happiness inside this boy, maybe _too much_ happiness for just one boy. Ronan didn’t have to worry about making the snow _belly ache-proof_ since he knew Matthew would be the only one eating buckets of it. He didn’t have to worry because Matthew couldn’t get sick. He would turn 17 tomorrow morning, not because he was born that day but because Ronan had longed for a little brother that night and so he had woken with one.

“I don’t want a new tree,” Matthew said once he had caught his breath again. “I want Ernie.”

Ronan sighed. “Well, then we have to carry him. That old bastard used to be foldable, remember?” He glanced at the ten feet tall pine tree, already regretting all his life choices that had led him here.

It turned out that Ernie was not to be folded against his own will, and apparently a sleeping tree did not want to be folded. So instead the two of them had to carry it the normal way and squeeze it bit for bit through the front door, an effort that took them almost half an hour. Ronan reminded Matthew more than once that he could just dream a damn pop-up tree but Matthew was not to be persuaded. Opal soon joined them and chewed some branches off, much to Matthew’s disdain (Ronan sent her into the nearby forest to blow off some steam), but somehow, they managed to get into the hallway that led to the living room. They didn’t get any farther though.

“It’s stuck,” Matthew complained, who was currently holding the top of the tree while Ronan was balancing the other end in his arms.

“You just need to – shit, Matthew! You can’t just drop it.”

“I need a pee break, Adam can take over.” Matthew waved his hands at the front door before cheerfully dancing towards the bathroom. Ronan, who was now buried beneath three tons of pine tree, turned around and saw Adam Parrish standing in the doorway. Dressed in a brown coat and boots, a red scarf Blue had made for him wrapped around his neck, his messenger bag slung around his shoulder. His cheeks were flushed from the cold.

“That’s… a very big tree,” he said.

Matthew’s shrill voice sounded from the bathroom. “His name is Ernie!”

“Of course, it is.” Adam smiled and dropped his bag next to the door while his eyes wandered from the tree that filled almost the entire hallway to Ronan, who was caged against the wall by the monstrosity that was Ernie. “Do you and Ernie need some alone time? Should I come back later or –”

“Shut up and help me get this thing off me, Parrish,” Ronan said, trying to push the tree away from him. Adam laughed, then offered Ronan his hand so he could climb over the lower branches. Once Ronan was free, he pulled Adam into a kiss. Maybe he didn’t regret _all_ his life choices.

“How was work?” 

Adam shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Boyd let us leave early.”

“As he should, it’s merry fucking Christmas.”

Something in Adam’s expression changed, something complicated, something Ronan couldn’t quite detect. Adam had never talked to him about his past Christmases but Ronan doubted there was anything merry about them. This was Adam’s first Christmas away from his parents. This was Ronan’s first real Christmas since his parents had died. (He had spent the last one at Monmouth, drunk and haunted by night horrors.) After everything that had happened this year, the thought of spending Christmas alone in this house had been unbearable. Spending it with Adam had seemed like something too good to be true. But when Ronan had asked him whether he wanted to spend this year’s winter break with him at the Barns, Adam had just looked at him for a very long time before smiling his private smile and accepting the invitation.

This Christmas wouldn’t be like the last one. It also wouldn’t be like the one before that. But it would feel like Christmas again, Ronan was more than sure about that.

“Hey bro, is your bird supposed to sleep in a nest of towels in the bathtub?” Matthew appeared on the other side of the hallway and the ten feet long tree and grinned at them. “Hey, Adam!”

The difficult look in Adam’s eyes vanished as he turned to Ronan’s little brother. “Hi Matthew, how are you?”

“Oh you know, the usual,” Matthew replied shrugging, a huge grin on his face. “I would come over to you to do our handshake, but you’ve met Ernie. He’s a little bulky.” Matthew chuckled and petted the tree’s crown. “Oh hey Ro, do you think she’s laying an egg?”

“What?”

“Chainsaw! That would be so cute! Can I have the baby?”

“No.”

“Can you dream me a cat then?”

“No. Now, let’s get this thing out of the way.” Ronan motioned for Adam to grab the left side of the trunk while he took the other and Matthew the top of the tree.

“Is Adam staying until tomorrow? For my birthday?” Matthew asked while the three of them lifted the tree.

“He is,” Adam replied smiling. “He’s staying for the whole week actually.” Ronan caught Adam’s eyes, a smile crept over his lips.

“Coooool!”

“ _You_ aren’t though.” Ronan sneered at his brother.

“We’ll see about that! Adam, are we gonna build a snow panda later?”

Adam laughed suddenly, it was an easy laugh, a rare laugh, a laugh Ronan was still getting to know. He would do anything to hear it again and again and again. Adam looked at Ronan, then at Matthew. “Yes, Matthew, we can build a snow panda later.”


	2. Chapter 2

Adam Parrish had never celebrated Christmas. The Parrish trailer didn’t have any room for a Christmas tree and his father didn’t have any interest in endowing his son with gifts. There might have been some early years when he had gotten his son a crappy gift from the gas station, but Adam could barely remember those. The last few years, Adam had spent the holiday season hiding in his room, while his father got drunk in the kitchen with some trailer park friends. Last Christmas, Gansey had tried to persuade him into coming to his family home, but Adam couldn’t. There were so many reasons why he couldn’t.

This year he was spending Christmas at the Barns. There was a tree in the living room, that was almost twice as tall as Adam himself. There was snow on the roof even though it hadn’t been snowing yet this winter. There was Ronan’s laugh filling the entire room when Matthew told a stupid joke. There were Ronan’s arms around Adam while they watched Matthew decorating the Christmas tree. There was his own smile when Ronan told him about how the tree used to dance for them, back when his father was still alive. And even though there was a veil of grief hovering above the brother’s heads, there was so much more magic, so much more light inside this house than the Parrish trailer could have ever hold, there was so much…so much _love_.

Love was a complicated matter for Adam Parrish. He didn’t think he would ever get to experience it. All his life he had tried to catch glimpses of it, to understand it, to grasp it, to find out why he had been unsubscribed from that newsletter at birth. But then he had found out that he hadn’t. Cabeswater had shown him.

And now he was sitting here, on the living room couch of his boyfriend’s childhood home, Ronan’s legs thrown over his lap, while Matthew was buried in a pile of Christmas decorations, hanging everything he considered as colorful or sparkly enough onto the now finally standing tree.

One who didn’t know for the better would never assume the two of them were brothers. Ronan was dressed as dark as always, with ripped jeans and a black hoodie. His head was freshly shaven down to his skull, the sharp lines of his tattoo sneaking up his neck. Matthew was the exact opposite. He was all blonde curls and rosy cheeks, a smile stitched onto his face, wearing the most awful Christmas sweater Adam had ever seen. It hadn’t been that long since Adam had learned that Matthew wasn't Ronan’s brother because they shared the same parents but because Ronan had dreamt him as one. For an outsider, it still seemed unfathomable, why _someone like Rona_ n would dream _someone like Matthew_. A few months ago, Adam might have not believed it himself. But it got easier to see with every minute he spent with him. After all, Ronan loved nothing more than to dream of light, and what else was Matthew if not that?

Adam turned his glance back to Ronan, whose eyebrows were slightly furrowed while he was inspecting a snow globe that seemed to contain a miniature copy of the Barns. It looked like something Ronan could have dreamt himself, but his expression told Adam that it must have been his father’s. He gave it to Adam, who tenderly turned it around in his hands. It was indeed the Barns, down to every detail. There were even cows grazing on the fields, only that these weren’t lost to an endless sleep like their archetypes. The snow kept falling and falling onto the roofs, even though Adam hadn’t shaken it. It was a simple but beautiful magic. He carefully gave it back to Ronan, who placed it on the living room table in front of them.

“Gosh darn it, I can’t find the reindeer!” Matthew muttered, thousands of Christmas decorations scattered around him. Only a handful of them was already hanging on the tree. “Mom always put it on the top. Ernie loved it.”

“That thing was cursed,” Ronan said and fished a box of chocolate chip cookies from under the couch. He stuffed one into his mouth. “I threw it away.”

“You did not.” Matthew crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You know what, I think I heard it in your room once!”

“Heard? Does it speak?” Adam asked and took one of the cookies Ronan offered to him. He eyed it a little skeptically, assuming it had spent quite an amount of time under that couch.

“Worse than that,” Ronan huffed, mouth full. “And why were you in my room, Matthew? I told you to stay out of there.”

“Why was it in there then?” Matthew pushed his chin forward like a stubborn child. “When you hate it so much...”

Adam took a bite from his cookie and grinned. “Yeah, Lynch, why was it in your room then?”

“What kind of interrogation is this shit?” Ronan threw one of the cookies at his brother’s head. “Maybe Declan hid it there to screw with me.”

“Can you go get it? Since I’m not allowed in your room like I’m five or something.”

“No.”

“But it’s my favorite!”

“I just stemmed this huge-ass tree for you. I need to rest.”

“You two are impossible, “Adam said with rolling eyes. “I’m gonna go.” Ronan raised his eyebrows before reluctantly lifting his legs so Adam could get up.

Matthew's sulking face turned into a beaming one. “You are a good man, Adam! Can I have you as my new brother?”

Adam didn’t know what to answer to that so he just shrugged and shuffled into the hallway. When he walked up the stairs he heard Ronan laugh. “You say that now. Just wait until he had to put up with you for a few years. And since when do we treat our guests like this.”

“Adam’s hardly a guest, he’s pretty much part of the family now.”

Adam hesitated on the steps, trying to catch Ronan’s reply but it was too mumbled, he couldn’t catch the words. Something in his stomach twisted.

He quickly made his way up to Ronan’s bedroom, pushed the door open, and ran his hand along the wall to find the light switch. The light turned out to be broken but the sun wasn’t fully down yet so the room was still bright enough for Adam to see. The room looked like it always looked, cluttered with clothes, some old toys from Ronan’s childhood, and souvenirs from his latest dreams. The bed was unmade, the sheets kicked away as if he had woken from a nightmare. Walking into Ronan’s room always felt a little like walking right into his head.

Adam sat down on the mattress, remembering the day he had been in here for the very first time. It hadn’t been that long actually but the room had felt much different then. Stranger. Private. Now that he had been in this room a few times, he didn’t feel like he wasn’t supposed to be in here anymore. He knew some of the dream things that were scattered around the bed because he had been there when Ronan had pulled them out of his mind. There even was his old gym hoodie which he must have forgotten here last weekend. How quickly the feeling of a place could change. This house had once felt so huge and foreign but with each hour Adam spent here, it felt more like…like a home. Not his home necessarily, at least not yet. But it felt like it could be. One day.

For a few minutes, he just sat there, soaking in the familiar and calming feeling of the dim-lit room. Then he remembered why he had come up here and started rummaging through the piles of clutter. Ronan got rid of the nightmares as soon as he would wake up so he only kept the wonders and harmless curiosities in here. Adam found glowing flowers and hand-sized stars, dead wasps, and dying leaves. There were books with the same two words written over and over again on every page and a dozen mixtapes with Adam’s name on it. But nothing close to a reindeer.

At some point, he sat down on the floor and just inspected one dream after another, one lovelier than the other. How could a boy create all these things with nothing but his imagination? Adam had seen Ronan doing it so many times by now but it still felt impossible. While his hands wandered from one miracle to the next, he caught himself humming a song, a children’s Christmas song he didn’t remember hearing anywhere lately.

“The curse got you, I see.”

Ronan Lynch was standing in the doorframe, his silhouette breaking the light from the hallway, throwing a shadow over Adam, who was cowering in the middle of the room. Ronan sat down next to him so that their knees were almost touching and started digging through a box Adam had just been studying. He pulled a small figurine out of it and placed it in Adam’s open palm. It was a tiny reindeer.

“Can you hear it?” Ronan asked, his voice soft. Adam didn’t understand. He couldn’t hear anything.

“Not here,” Ronan lightly touched Adam’s hearing ear, then his forehead, “here.”

Adam frowned but then he suddenly understood. He smiled. “ _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose_ ,” he mumbled in a very faint singing voice.

“ _And if you ever saw it you would even say it glows_ ,” Ronan continued, a smile cracking his face. “Fucking hate that song. It’s gonna be stuck in your head as soon as you so much as glimpse at that thing. And the only way to get rid of it is to sing the whole song out loud.”

Adam laughed. “Sounds like a curse indeed.”

“I think dad wanted to make us sing more, mom always loved it.” Ronan lowered his eyes, his gaze wandering from the figurine to all the dreams Adam had scattered around them. “Dad would always come home for Christmas, his trunk full of gifts for us. He would say he got them on his travels but we all know the truth.” He swallowed hard. Adam carefully placed the reindeer on the carpet next to him and slowly interlaced his fingers with Ronan’s. Ronan smiled but there was so much sadness in it, Adam could barely stand it. He wanted to say something but he did not know what. Instead he just leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ronan’s forehead. They stayed like this for a while, eyes closed, hearts bleeding. When they started moving again, it was only to find each other’s lips.

_“HELLOOO?”_

_“MERRY CHRISTMAS!”_


	3. Chapter 3

Each Christmas Aurora Lynch would turn the kitchen into a wonderland of pastries and sweets, of roast and gravy. She would spend all day at the stove while softly humming one children’s song after another, cooking everything her sons’ bellies desired. Brussel sprout for Declan, mashed potatoes for Ronan, chocolate pudding for Matthew. The boys would sit on the counter and nibble on spoons full of cream and dough, waiting for their father to come home with a car full of wonders.

Last year the kitchen had stayed untouched, Aurora in an unshakable sleep just a few feet away.

This year there wasn’t the Lynch family crowding the rooms, but maybe a family nonetheless. Richard Campbell Gansey III and Blue Sargent had brought boxes full of cookies and pie – a multicultural collection created by the entirety of the Fox Way household, that was now gracing every tabletop. The whole house smelled like a pastry shop, reminding Ronan of old times. He had woken up with nightmares this morning but now he felt more at home than he had in a long time. Adam sitting next to him, bundled in a blanket on the couch, listening to Gansey talking about Venezuela. Blue had joined Matthew, the two of them standing on a pair of highchairs, giggling while hanging glowing stars onto the highest branches of the Christmas tree.

“Ernie is the finest tree I’ve ever seen,” Blue said smiling, the chair shaking underneath her as she was putting the small reindeer figurine on the very top.

“You should have met him when he was awake,” Matthew said, munching away one Fox Way biscuit after another. “He was an excellent dancer. He taught us disco fox one year!”

“Hey Ronan, why don’t you share your secret dancing skills with us?” Blue laughed and got a plastic snowflake thrown at her head in response.

When Ernie was eventually dressed in all his glory, Matthew persuaded them all to go outside and built the highly anticipated snow panda. It had started snowing again, simply because Ronan had asked for it.

“Mind-controlled snow,” Gansey mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief while staring up into the sky, catching some snowflakes in his hands. “It’s like you are god himself, Lynch.”

“And the best part, it tastes like cotton candy!” Matthew said eagerly, already stuffing his cheeks. “You have to try it!”

Ronan felt a rush of pride as all of his friends stumbled joyfully through the snow, catching and tasting sparkling snowflakes. He had done this. He had made something as simple as snow and yet it turned each of his friends' faces into a smile. A snowball hit him hard in the back of his head.

“I’m gonna end you,” Ronan shouted already on his way to tackle his brother, who was giggling so hard he nearly fell over. Another snowball hit him in the back, he turned around and saw Gansey innocently pointing at Blue, who was already throwing another one, this time at Gansey. Adam laughed, which led to him being attacked by Blue as well. It ended with the five of them completely covered in candy floss snow.

After the snow panda (which had quickly turned into a snow Gansey) and a dozen of snow angels had been made, they went back inside, curling up in front of the smoking fireplace.

Gansey fell asleep on the couch, his head resting on Blue’s lap, – “Baking sessions at Fox Way can be quite exhausting.” His one hand was still holding a cup of some very, very suspicious sort of tea Blue had forced them all to drink. Probably one of Maura’s creations. (Ronan had purred his cup into one of the flowers on the window sill. He kept glancing at it to make sure it wasn’t dying.)

Chainsaw had abandoned her nest after a very loud encounter with Blue in the bathroom and was now sitting on the armrest, pecking at the collar of Gansey’s aquamarine sweater, as if she was trying to save him from his dubious fashion choice. Adam sat cross-legged on the floor, skimming through old picture books Ronan’s father had dreamt for his sons years ago. There was a smile on his lips when tiny birds hovered just above the pages or a wave of Irish ocean swamped over his hands. Ronan, who was sitting in an armchair next to his sleeping friend, watched Adam attentively. Adam seemed to feel the eyes on him because he would look up from time to time, catching Ronan’s eyes.

At some point, Blue and Matthew started playing some old board game they had found in one of the old cupboards. Matthew couldn’t play anything silently for the sake of his life so a very sleepy and slightly wrinkled Gansey was soon obliged to join them.

As the last rays of sunshine vanished behind the mountains, the candles that enlightened every window started humming their slow waltzes. Everything about it suggested dinner time so the five of them shortly found themselves glancing into the refrigerator, trying to come up with an easy but still festive meal. Since none of them had cooking skills that went far beyond the ability to heat up leftovers or steam broccoli, they ended up with a quite colorful combination of everything they could find in the kitchen. It wasn’t anything close to Aurora’s creations but it was good enough.

Once all stomachs were full, Gansey and Blue got ready to leave.

“Are you two driving back to Fox Way?” Adam asked. He and Ronan were standing in the hallway while Blue and Gansey were already standing on the front porch, dressed in winter coats and matching shawls. (They all owned one now. Matthew already wearing his like it was sewed to his body.)

“I have to drive to D.C.,” Gansey said with a sigh, taking two mint leaves out of his pocket. He placed one in his mouth and one in Blue’s hand. “Helen threatened to quarter me if I leave her alone with my parents tonight.”

Ronan sneered “Don’t they need you at Fox Way for the annual manly sacrifice?”

“Nah,” Blue said, chewing on her mint leaf. “We need someone with more testosterone. Orla suggested you.”

Gansey laughed. Ronan grimaced in disgust.

A loud and sudden rumble gained their attention. Opal, dressed in her greasy oversized sweater as well as a thick layer of snow, heaved a very small tree up the porch stairs. She snarled at Gansey to get out of her way, who apologized hastily and stepped aside.

“What the fuck, Opal?!”

“Tree! Much better tree!” She grimaced at Ronan, while proudly hugging her 3 feet tall something that looked more like some kind of weed than anything close to a tree. Then she shuffled past them into the hallway.

“So that’s what she was doing all day,” Adam said and watched her as she sluggishly dragged the tree into the living room.

“Well, we should get going. I promised to bring Blue back before 8 pm.”

Gansey bumped knuckles with Adam and Ronan, then shouted goodbye to Matthew, who appeared a second later in the doorway.

“You should come here more often, like old times,” Matthew mumbled to Gansey as he hugged him goodbye.

“You are so right,” Gansey replied smiling and ruffled Matthew’s hair.

Matthew grinned like someone had just handed him a huge gift. “You too, yes?” he said to Blue as he hugged her as well. “And bring more cookies!”

“I would love to,” she said and kissed his blonde curls.

“Come on, Matthew. They have places to be.”

Matthew dramatically rolled his eyes at his brother. “You sound like Declan.”

“And you look like a walking Christmas nightmare,” Ronan said, pointing at Matthew’s purple sweater that pictured a grinning snowman, that was now glowing in the dark. 

“Hey, it’s the fricking best thing ever!” Matthew squealed, then he scampered back inside, following Opal and her undergrowth.

Blue hugged Adam and punched Ronan’s arm and then the two of them got into Gansey’s old Camaro, honking as they pulled off into the starry night.


	4. Chapter 4

When Adam had been six years old, his father had locked him into his room after he had asked why Santa hadn’t come to him for Christmas. Adam had spent the entire night crying, a dark bruise forming on his chin while he listened to his parents fighting in the kitchen. The next year he wouldn’t ask. He knew now that Christmas wasn’t for people like him. People like him could only experience it from afar, in display windows and commercials. Santa didn’t care about kids born in a trailer park.

When he got older and knew it wasn’t the fault of an imaginary person made up by a soft drink company, he concluded that he must be incapable of love.

Of being loved. Of loving.

Life had yet again proved him wrong.

As soon as the Camaro was swallowed by the dark, Ronan took Adam’s hands and the two of them waltzed down the hallway, the candles in the windows humming a tune that sounded suspiciously familiar.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Adam shook his head as if he was in pain but he couldn’t hold back a stupid grin. “Ronan, _why?_ ”

“It’s the ultimate Christmas song,” Ronan replied smirking, pulling Adam closer. “ _Squash one, squash two, squash three_ …”

“You’re making me regret so many things right now.”

Ronan rested his forehead against Adam’s. “Admit it, you’re glad it’s not that horrible Rudolf song which has been stuck in your head for hours.”

They both laughed and Adam remembered how he had once wondered how a world ruled by Ronan Lynch would look like. It wasn’t that hard to imagine anymore. He had already built his own kingdom. Adam was standing right in the middle of it.

Somehow, he had walked out of that trailer park and was now standing here. In a house that was covered in cotton candy, filled with thousands of wonders and creatures that were only breathing because their dreamer was. Somehow, he had left his parents behind and was now dancing to the sound of singing candles, on Christmas eve, in Ronan Lynch’s arms.

They slowly found their way back into the living room, where Matthew, Chainsaw and Opal were already discussing the necessity of the second tree. Opal snarling at Chainsaw, who was trying to rip her tree apart, while Matthew was already trying to come up with a name for it.

“Charlie? Or Alfie?” Matthew was sitting on the floor, plucking leaves out of Opal’s hair. “I’ve always liked the name Alfie.”

Ronan turned to his brother and said, “Hey kiddo, why don’t you –“ 

“Don’t _hey kiddo_ me, I’m turning 17 in less than 4 hours, you know.”

“I’m gonna call you what I want as long as you wear that stupid sweater. Don’t you wanna go upstairs and watch some of your weird shows?”

Matthew grimaced. “So you two can make out down here or what?”

“ _So_ Santa can come to bring your presents.”

“ _Seventeen. Tomorrow._ You hear me?” He smiled then as if he was remembering something. “You know how dad always told us he was the best friend of Santa? That’s where he got all that cool stuff from.” And then his smile suddenly dropped from his face, from one second to the next as if someone had pulled a switch.

Watching people cry was never a pleasant experience but watching Matthew Lynch cry was like watching happiness itself die. His face was made for smiling, his voice made for laughing. But now tears streaked down his cheeks and his chin was quivering. Adam looked to Ronan, who looked as surprised about the sudden mood swing as him. He let go of Adam and sat down next to his brother, slowly slinging his arms around him.

“I…I miss dad. And mom.”, Matthew said, his voice breaking as tears and snot bubbled out of him. “They should be here.” He buried his face in Ronan’s shoulder, his fists clinging to the fabric of his hoodie.

“I miss them, too, Matthew,” Ronan mumbled into his blond curls. “Every damn day.”

Adam had to avert his eyes, something about it felt too private, too personal. He was still hovering on the doorstep, so he stepped back into the hallway. Slowly, he wandered back to the front door where he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and pushed the door open, a cool drift hitting his face. He took a deep breath, the cold air attacking his lungs. The snow had spared the front porch so he sat down on the still dry steps and watched the glowing orbs dance around the nearby trees. The snow reflected their lights, turning their dance into a spectacular light show. Adam rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes. He tried to imagine a life where he had grown up with a sibling. Would they have been hiding together? Would there have been somebody to hold him after his father had lashed out? Or someone for him to hold?

Adam lost track of time making up realities in which he hadn’t grown up alone, but at some point, the creak of the door opening told him Ronan had found him. A second later he sat down next to Adam.

“Matthew went upstairs to watch some dumb Disney film. I promised to check on him in an hour or so.” There was just enough light for Adam to see Ronan’s face. His jaw was tightly pressed together, his eyes unfocused. He leaned his head against Adam’s shoulder and Adam laid his head on top of Ronan’s. They stayed like that for a few minutes, listening to the night noises of the Barns. There were owls howling in the woods and some creaks in the underbrush, Ronan’s dream deer sneaking closer.

“I know it’s not Christmas morning yet,” Ronan said after a while, carefully lifting his head again before he pulled something out of his coat pocket. “But I’ve got something for you.” He reached for Adam’s hand and placed something inside it. It was warm like Ronan had been holding it in his own hands for some time.

“I thought you might need a new one,” Ronan said in a low voice.

Adam looked down at their hands. It was a watch, elegant and beautiful. He gently brushed his fingers over the golden dial, feeling the smallest vibration of the second hand underneath his fingertip. It was a watch, no more, no less but it still felt somehow alive, somehow magic.

“It doesn’t need any batteries. It will always be on time.” A smile sneaked across Ronan’s face, it was a soft smile, one that didn’t need any armor. “Unless we aren’t in the same time zone…” He looked down, almost sheepishly. Something that was rather unlike Ronan. “I can dream you another one if you want. If you don’t like it.”

Adam tied it around his wrist, it fitted perfectly. “No, it’s perfect.”

He still wasn’t used to getting presents that seemed to be pulled right out of Ronan’s heart. No one had ever given him something this personal, this beautiful. Gansey had tried to push things on him, things that wore price tags Adam wouldn’t even dare to look at. These gifts had felt like charity, something Adam couldn’t accept for the sake of his pride. But this was different. There was no way he couldn’t accept Ronan’s dreams. Not when Ronan had made them for Adam, and Adam only. Not when it felt like Ronan gave him a part of himself, a glance into his mind, his soul.

He felt a thousand words boiling up inside him, a thousand things he wanted to say. There was this feeling inside his chest and there was a time when he hadn’t been able to name it. But now, he felt like he had never been surer about anything. It was a feeling he wanted to grip tight and never let go. Maybe Cabeswater had helped him see it but it was born inside himself. He had felt it this entire day, somehow it was in every nook and corner of this house, filling every room with air to breathe. But he had felt it even long before, on that day of his father’s trial, when he had realized he wasn’t alone. He had felt it that day Cabeswater had almost killed its Greywaren in a lake of acid. He had felt it when he had woken up at the Barns for the very first time back in early November. He was feeling it now when he looked at the elegant timepiece, that was slowly ticking away the seconds on his wrist. This warm, fuzzy feeling. And he wanted to remember again and again how it felt.

He looked at Ronan, his eyes fixated on Adam’s hands. He needed him to know. He couldn’t explain why but nothing had ever felt this important.

“Ronan, I…” Adam said, the words tumbling out of his mouth, “I love you.”

 _Love_. Gansey had once tried to explain it to him and he was sure he understood now.

Ronan’s eyes flitted up, meeting Adam’s. Adam felt a smile forming on his lips. Saying it made it real, made it fact, made it his to keep. He could love Ronan, he could love this house, this magic. And one day he might even be able to love himself.

Ronan closed his eyes and a smile crept over his face as well. Then he took Adam’s hands and kissed them.

“ _Unguibus et rostro.”_


	5. Chapter 5

When Ronan had been two years old, he had been woken on Christmas morning by the sound of a laughing baby. He was too young to understand that babies normally just didn’t appear overnight so he never questioned it. After all, it was the kindhearted brother he had always wanted, he had always dreamt about. Golden curls, blue eyes, always a smile on his lips. Matthew was the play companion Declan never wanted to be, the laughter Declan didn’t have in him. Matthew was a child in a way Declan had never been. Declan was a grown-up even before he hit puberty. Matthew was a child in a growing body.

On the morning of Matthew’s 17th birthday, Ronan was woken by the sound of his younger brother stomping down the stairs, while chanting _Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer_. A minute later he heard Declan’s voice from the hallway. For a moment he expected to hear his father’s footsteps joining them, his mother ringing a bell from the kitchen, calling them all for breakfast. But there was only Declan’s low voice, the flapping of Chainsaw’s wings, the laughter of Matthew, a squeal which could only be Opal.

When he had opened his eyes yesterday morning, there had been blood on his hands. His father’s blood from when he had found him on the driveway. Or maybe his mother’s blood from when he had found her in corrupted Cabeswater. Ronan’s dream had shown him both.

When he opened his eyes today, he saw Adam Parrish sleeping next to him. Eyes still closed, lips slightly parted, his hair a soft tumble on the white pillowcase.

Adam Parrish loved him. This knowledge had been enough to keep the nightmares at bay this night. Enough to make his heart stop aching for things he couldn’t have back. At least for a while.

Adam Parrish loved him and nothing seemed impossible.

“Merry Christmas,” Adam mumbled, his Henrietta accent running free as he slowly opened his eyes. Ronan moved closer to rest his head on Adam’s chest.

“I’m going to burn that damn reindeer today,” he mumbled, the song still stuck in his brain like a tumor, playing in an endless, excruciating loop. Adam chuckled lightly, before softly humming the melody. Then he said, “I think I dreamt of it.”

“I sure as hell did. I tried to come up with a cure but –”

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!” The door busted open and Matthew Lynch was dancing into Ronan’s bedroom. A second later Chainsaw and Opal crashed through the door as well.

“Get up, it’s Christmas! And even more important, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! Get up get up get up get up!” Matthew was jumping up and down in front of the bed, wearing the same Christmas horror as yesterday as well as a cheap-looking plastic crown. Chainsaw cawed loudly, circling above their heads, Opal trying to catch her. Ronan groaned and pulled the blanket over his head while his brother was already pulling on Adam’s arm.

“Come on, Declan’s here! And there are presents! Sooo many!”

“Happy birthday,” Adam said sleepily.

“Yeah, happy birthday, and now _leave_ , for fucks sake,” Ronan muttered into Adam’s T-shirt. “ _Ow!_ Shit, Opal!” Opal had climbed onto the bed and was now stumbling over the two of them, something that was rather painful since Opal had hooves. Ronan sat up to push her off them, the goat-legged girl shrieking as he did so.

“What the hell? Matthew, get them out of here. Now!”

Matthew giggled then his eyes suddenly went huge. He climbed underneath Ronan’s bed and emerged with a small black kitten in his hands.

“You dreamt me a kitty! You are the best brother ever! Oh gosh, look how cute she is!” Matthew held the small pet into the air before snuggling it close to his face.

Ronan rubbed his eyes. “Yeah yeah, I know. Go tell Declan. We’ll be down in a second.”

“I’m gonna name her Pancake! She looks like a pancake!” He chuckled and spun in a circle. The smile on his face was so huge, for a moment Ronan was wondering whether last night had really happened. Seeing his brother paralyzed by grief was a rare but yet shocking experience. He didn’t know how Matthew’s brain processed pain, but he usually seemed to simply forget. Only when he was directly confronted with the loss of his parents, the tears beat the smile. But there wasn’t any trace left of them now.

Matthew darted back out of the room, clattering down the staircase. Opal scrambled back onto the bed and hugged Adam, muttering something in dream language while Chainsaw was busy digging through a pile of old laundry, looking for anything eatable.

“Jesus Mary,” Ronan grumbled, leaning his head back against the cold wall. Adam had thrown his left arm over his face and was, to Ronan’s surprise, laughing. He laughed so hard, his whole body was shaking. Ronan couldn’t remember a time where he had ever seen Adam Parrish laugh like this. Like there wasn’t anything to hold back. He sat up, kissed Opal’s head and then Ronan’s cheek, and then he said, “Let’s better go downstairs before Declan’s gonna show up here as well.”

Ronan sneered. “Declan’s gonna want to murder me. He’s allergic to cats.”

Adam laughed again, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe the absurdity of it all.

“Well, this is gonna be one _merry_ Christmas then…” And then he just looked at Ronan, a loose smile resting on his lips. It was an honest smile, a smile that knew it wouldn’t expire anytime soon.

Ronan had pulled cars out of his head, he had brought a sentient forest and living creatures to this world. He was the reason for so many wonderful things that filled these rooms. And yet that smile, that true smile might be the most beautiful thing he’d ever been responsible for.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you had a lovely Christmas and enjoyed my little story. <3   
> Thank you so much for reading! :)


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